From deep within my archives

comes this epic poem I’d thought lost. Dated 2005 C.E., it chronicles the adventures of a unique boy who had an appetite, not merely for food, but for… adventure. And yes, this serves as a wonderful excuse to repurpose my old stuff instead of having to sit down and write something new. Cheers to recycling.

American Glutton; or, A Case Study in Gastronomic Overindulgence, With Special Attention Paid to the Effects of Large-Scale Crustacean Consumption Amongst Overweight Teenagers


One day, while eating at the mall,

My friend Eric had the gall

To say that in his stomach could fit

No less than a thousand shrimp.


“You’re mad,” I said

You’re out of your head.

If you ate all that, you’d go all limp.

No one can eat a thousand shrimp!”


I warned him then, I told him don’t,

But Eric got up and grabbed his coat.

Determined not to seem a wimp

He went home to eat a thousand shrimp.


Cooked and peeled, he attended to that;

Chilled and fresh, on the table they sat.

Cocktail sauce, lemon – he did not skimp!

Only the best for his thousand shrimp.


Some time later he rang my phone

Sickly requesting that I come to his home.

What had he done, that foolish imp?

Had he tried to eat a thousand shrimp?


In through the doorway, on to the kitchen

He lay on the floor, moanin’ and bitchin.’

And, indeed, he’d blown up like a blimp

But he’d really eaten a thousand shrimp.