This is me trying to be tactful

I rarely waste your time with tidbits from my personal life, but every once in a while something genuinely entertaining does occur within my bubble of self-absorption, and I think this is one of those times. So, presented uncut, my disgruntled email to a professor over a group lesson plan project:

(I know, I know – the “everyone’s dumb but me” theme is a familiar one. But in this case, it’s actually true.)

Professor –

I’m not sure if there’s a way to say this without it coming off as whining/throwing other students under the bus, but as I’m sitting here trying to assemble my group’s lesson plan for tomorrow into something that’s actually presentable, I feel it has to be said: I’m pretty much alone on this project. I’m dealing with group members whose contributions are, at various turns:

– incoherently formatted (eg. white text on a white background.) (I’m not joking. I don’t even know how he typed it.)

– grammatically incorrect on every conceivable level (when Cliff is an English major!)

– intellectually bankrupt/offensive (apparently feminism has single-handedly destroyed the stability of the American family; who knew?)

So it’s left for me to try to expand generic points, correct the wrong ones, interpret the vaguely incoherent ones, line edit (literally – just about every line I’m working with has something glaringly wrong with it) and pretty much use broken parts to make something that works. I realize this is rant-ish and harshly worded, but I’m genuinely annoyed about it, and I think it should be known when the inner-workings of a group are this dysfunctional. These aren’t small problems I can correct with a tweak/suggestion or two – they’re foundational requisites that just plain aren’t there. Pluralization isn’t a fancy add-on, and visible text isn’t an extra luxury.

Candidly, every part of this lesson that didn’t originate with me is deficient in some way, and I’m not a good enough miracle worker to pull the whole thing off; nor should I have to be. So at a certain point I just included their work verbatim in the lesson plan (this will be glaringly obvious) and left their individual PowerPoints as is. If my grade suffers then so be it, I suppose, though I hope it doesn’t. I just feel I’ve done more than my fair share of work on this.

I’m hesitant to even send this email, and I’m sorry it’s long-winded and rambling, but I’m just frustrated beyond belief. I mean, I’m ridiculously far from perfect, but I’m a lot better than all this.

Think that’s hard on my fellow students? I left out the part where one blatantly plagiarized misogynistic material from some random student’s paper he found on the Internet. Compared to what I could’ve said, I’m the angel of fucking mercy.

Finally, it bears repeating:

White text.

On a white background.

You just can’t make this shit up.