You know what the worst thing about stupid people is?

How they’re pretty much the cause of everything that sucks about the world.

But the second most annoying thing about stupid people is that they can force you into siding with someone you’d normally never be caught dead being in sympatico with simply because they’re even worse. Case in point: I remember remarking, a few months back, that only the heinous crowds at the Republican debates could ever make me feel bad for Rick Perry, who was at one point loudly booed for not being sufficiently anti-Mexican for their bloodthirsty taste.

And now here’s another case of it, an article by Eric Wilbur in the Boston Globe so over-the-top of Mt. Bullshit farcical that it would be right at home within the pages of The Onion.

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has been to 5 Super Bowls. He has won 3. In 2 of those wins he was named the Most Valuable Player. In last night’s Super Bowl, he threw for almost 300 yards, 2 touchdowns, and only turned the ball over once all game. He fought back from an early 9 point deficit and handed his defense a narrow lead with less than 4 minutes to play in the game, which failed to stop the Giants’ final, ultimately game-winning drive.

Now, a fair-minded person would look at what happened here and come up with something like, “Tom Brady played very well, he just came up a little short at the end.”

Here’s how Mr. Wilbur describes Tom Brady’s effort:

– bad
– hideous
– embarrassing
– boneheaded
– blunders
– blew the Super Bowl
– denied his coach
– let down his teammates
– nobody to blame but him
– the legend is dead
– the prince has turned back into a frog

And that’s just for starters. As Ron Popeil would say, “But wait, there’s more!” and the more is a rather strange and garbled assertion that Tom Brady cares more about water slides than football. O… kay?

I should totally become a sportswriter. Then the next time an immortal quarterback loses a close Super Bowl I can get paid to pen a rambling screed full of shit I literally just made up, like how Drew Brees had a Gears of War clan match to get home for, and Aaron Rodgers was fretting the whole time about Lady Mary’s reputation after she fucked that Turkish diplomat to death on Downton Abbey.