Mount Gingrich just ERUPTED

spewing toxic lard all over poor John King’s scarily immaculate coif. Yes, Newt “Sugar, Lollipops and Infidelity” Gingrich just went the fuck off on CNN’s debate moderator, who was powerless to refute this advanced life form’s bile-inducing turpitude (or turpitudinous bile.)

Newt “Why Won’t Black People Let Me Help Them?” Gingrich is “appalled” and finds it “despicable” that CNN would dare ask a serial adulterer about allegations one of his ex-wives just made that he had the balls to actually ask her for an open marriage after he got caught cheating. Newt “‘Death Star’ Is Your Wording, Not Mine” Gingrich is “astounded” that CNN would dignify such “trash” with precious runtime on this particular episode of Who Wants to Get Assraped by a Black Man This Fall? (favorite episodes include I’m Herman Cain and I Can Speak Cuban! and The One Where Rick Perry Forgot How to Breathe.)

Newt “(My first wife who I ditched wasn’t) young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer.” (that one’s actually a real fucking quote) just got a cacophonous clamor of clapping from the redneck seals in the audience, and probably just won himself the South Carolina primary.

And so the heroic campaign that begin with the rallying cry “A broom for every student!” soldiers on. Godspeed, You Fat Emperor. Godspeed.

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