The Subterranean Bar

(re: the Republican debate that just wrapped)

I just don’t know how much lower they can go. And I almost don’t want to say that, because it seems like every time I do, they take it as a challenge.

And they are very, very competitive, give them that.

Give them that, and nothing else.

Give them no sincerity. No intellectual honesty. No shame. No humanity. Sorry, fresh out, fuck off, thanks for your vote.

Herman Cain says he wouldn’t have survived cancer under Obamacare, not understanding that someone with his wealth can afford any damn health care he wants. Michelle Bachmann won’t take back her assertion at the last debate that Rick Perry made little girls in Texas retarded by asking their parents to have them vaccinated. Perry can’t even manage to call Mitt Romney the flip-flopper he is without mangling the English language that Newt Gingrich wants to force immigrants to speak under pain of having to read his awful historical fiction. It just goes on and on.

It’s been said that at a certain point parody of a subject becomes impossible, simply because the reality itself is already so damned ridiculous. (Example: Spaceballs is a parody of Star Wars, but over the years George Lucas has fucked up Star Wars so much that we’re fast approaching the point where it will essentially become Spaceballs itself.) We’re at that point with the modern day GOP. They’re so fucking crazy that I can’t parody them. Here, I’ll try:

Michelle Bachmann: “I don’t believe in taxes.”

Ron Paul: “Uninsured? You took the risk. You can go die.”

Rick Perry: “Old? No money? Deal with it.”

You: “Great parody!”

Me: “It’s not a parody. These people actually believe these things.”

You: “Yeah?”

Me: “Yeah.”

You: “Shit, man… wow.”

Well said, You. “Wow” is right.

But lets reserve our most poisonous venom for the crowds at these debates. At least the politicians have a potential excuse – they may (and I stress *may*) not believe *all* the batshit they pile up in front of their podiums. They could conceivably just be appeasing the crowds, who with their cruelty and bloodthirst bring to mind no audience so ignoble as the hordes of the Colosseum.

In debates past they’ve cheered mass executions and leaving the sick to rot in the streets. Tonight they booed the video appearance of a gay solider (who, incidentally, looked like he could tear the head off of you, me and any one of those bigots/closet-cases (many of them are likely both.) This only two days after the official end of the profoundly mean-spirited Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. So much for being pro-military. So much for patriotism.

So much for sanity.