I’m going to become a Republican

Because by any and all indications, an intrinsic benefit to belonging to the GOP means that you get to be a dumb sack of shit with very few friends and yet somehow get everything you want and ever wanted.

Seriously – no Republican has ever heard and accepted the word “no.” They just bitch and moan and cut off America’s nose to spite its face (not that it ever has an effect on them, of course) and eventually the sad sack Democrats bend over and let them ramrod whatever inconceivably stupid idea they have straight up their spineless collective asses.

“The federal government is hemorrhaging money! This is grossly irresponsible, and the obvious answer is to give a big refund to millionaires in the middle of a recession when they’re the one group that doesn’t need any extra money!

Un. Fucking. Believable.

Eat a dick, Mr. President. You shouldn’t have to look too far for one; by the looks of your wife, she’s fucking packing.