Evidence of Things Now Seen

I have never had a Facebook, and I will never have a Facebook.

– 9/27/2010

Well. So much for that.

But, but, I won’t cede to a complete cave-in on this one. While I did create a Facebook account, I have yet to use it for anything I couldn’t have done without it. I’ve IM’d, I’ve messaged, I’ve confirmed for an event, but I haven’t written on a wall (nor can anyone write on mine), and I haven’t commented on, tagged myself or others, or uploaded a photo of myself from that upwardly outstretched-arm camera angle that fat girls use to hide their fatness and toolish guys use to not hide their toolishness.

The plan is to take advantage of the few useful, non-socially-masturbatory features that Facebook offers without getting sucked into the blaring cacophony of status nonupdates and pithy unwitticisms. Hopefully I’ll succeed. If I do not, if I fall to the dark side, then the little blurbs I plan to make a recurring feature, my observations as I probe ever deeper into the cesspool, will serve as a record that I was not always a self-obsessed voyeur (seems contradictory at first, and then you realize that voyeurism is ultimately and inherently self-obsessive, but that’s a topic for another day, class), but an earnest philanthropist of the mind who just wanted to leave the world a little less full of bullshit than he found it.

(I think my favorite part of this blog is rereading paragraphs like the one above and asking myself, Did I go too far? Does that cross the line from self-deprecation and self-parody into full-on dickish arrogance? And then I remember: Fuck that. I’m awesome. )

See you on Facebook, Friends!

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