SPOILER

Sources close to Favre-ian attention whore LeBron James have leaked to my office exactly what will be going down tonight in his primetime ESPN special:

INT. GYMNASIUM – NIGHT

LEBRON and a REPORTER sit opposite on a raised platform, surrounded by buzzing spectators.

REPORTER
So, LeBron, the question is: what is your decision?

LEBRON
Well, I know it’s been a long and drawn out process. A lot of hype and thought went into this, and I’m happy to announce that, for next season and beyond, I’ve signed a multiyear contract to play for the–

CUT TO BLACK.

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY DAVID CHASE

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