No, random sports columnist, *you’re* the idiot

This is Bruce Jenkins:

Really, just look at this fucking guy. The combover, the douchey grin – knowing nothing else about him but what you can ascertain from that picture, is there any way this is not the face of a giant fucking toolbag?

No. There is not. The wonderful people at Fire Joe Morgan already did a commendable job ripping this guy a new one a few years back, wondering if he was the “Dumbest Man of the Last Fifty Years,” a question a lot less hyperbolic than it would seem on the surface. To wit:

Somebody show Andy Roddick a photo of Berdych as he posed with Nadal during the post-match ceremony. Look closely, Andy: No hat. Berdych took the damn thing off. Play in a hat if you must, but when you’re down there in the presence of royalty, being photographed for the pages of history, reveal your countenance and especially don’t turn the hat around backward. My friend and colleague Scott Price has a great way of describing what that look says to people: “Hey, I’m an idiot.”

Really, fuck you, you self-satisfied little prick. You can practically feel the smug oozing out of your screen just reading that, and it’s that special kind of smug that comes from someone who’s in no position to be making judgment calls with regard to anything imposing his own arbitrary standards of etiquette onto others.

The “hats are disrespectful!” thing has always bothered me, from the times when I was told to take mine off in school. Here’s the annual exchange I’d have with whichever power-tripping uncivil servant decided to enforce that particular conventional but baseless standard:

Them: Take your hat off.
Me: Why?
Them: It’s disrespectful.
Me: Why?
Them: TAKE IT OFF RIGHT NOW OR I WILL SKULLFUCK YOU INTO OBLIVION!
Me: *cries*

Yes, in my day teachers were very into apocalyptic rapethreat. But more importantly, they were into petty displays of authority and superiority, of which the no-hat rule is the quintessential (but by no means singular) example.

Mr. Jenkins, Andy Roddick can wear a hat if he wants. He requires neither your permission nor your approval to do so, and Roddick, being a pretty sharp guy, would probably agree with me that it isn’t so much a demerit to be labeled an idiot by the likes of you and your no doubt equally pompous friend Scott Price so much as it is the implicit mark of personal pride that comes with having your character and intelligence questioned by those who so obviously have none for themselves.

In conclusion, eat a dick. Then wipe your mouth, because you certainly wouldn’t want to look like an idiot, would you?

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