Not so fast, Colonel

By now I’m sure most of you have heard of KFC’s new Double Down sandwich, the latest attempt by an American chain restaurant to garner publicity with a deliciously unholy abuse of the culinary process. But give the Colonel and his team of artery-attacking alchemists some credit for ingenuity – it takes a certain kind of depraved genius to cook up the idea of a sandwich where the “bread” is… fried chicken.

However (and I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing) they didn’t take this concept and run with it like they could have. See, the whole “chicken instead of bread” thing is disingenuous – it naturally implies what KFC has done is to simply use chicken instead of bread in the creation of an otherwise normally constructed sandwich. This is not the case. Instead of the sandwich being filled with a good amount of other stuff, as per the usual, the Double Down has but a paltry few strips of thin bacon and slices of cheese nestled between its chickeny exterior.

That is not a sandwich, not in any meaningful definition of the word, anyway. That’s just a pile of chicken with a bit of other crap mixed in. And so the Double Down is not the first shot in the consumption revolution that will one day usher in a new age of gluttonous greatness, where bread has been exposed as the filler it is and rightfully replaced by the charred flesh of the fowl or bovine, but a disappointing, if interesting (and tasty), half-hearted step toward that inevitable future.

One expects better, Harland. Even if you are dead.

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