Well done, Hollywood

In the span of a mind-numbing 3 1/2 hours you managed to:

– cement Meryl Streep as a vaginafied Jack Nicholson, the person who needs to be fawned over by the old, white hosts at every single award show you guys hold

– replaced the insufferable performances of the Best Song nominees with an even more insufferable, befuddling, absolutely wackofuck interpretative dance number for the Best Score nominees

– included Twilight in a montage of classic horror films

– gave Sandra Bullock an award for starring in a modern update of The White Man’s Burden

– gave Katherine Bigelow a Best Director award because all the guys wanted to fuck her and everyone else wanted to fuck over James Cameron

gj, guys.

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