Now, I’m no fancy big city lawyer…

And I’m sure as hell not some mouth-breathing, bible-thumping, Limbaugh-loving, Leno-watching guy-who-won’t-let-some-Muslim/nigger-run-his-health-care-plan-and-also-secretly-likes-to-use-the-barrel-of-his-gun-to-simulate-anal-sex conservative, but thinking about it, how the fucking fuck is it constitutional to require people to buy health care from privately owned and operated companies?

We mandate that drivers purchase car insurance from such private companies, and of course that’s a pain the ass and everyone hates having to pay it, but at least there the argument is that it’s regulating a non-essential function; you don’t *have* to drive.

Health care is a bit different; you do, so far as we know, *have* to live. Hell, we even outlaw suicide because we’re so adamantly opposed to not living, thus providing the setup for many an unfunny joke.

And so, since we do *have* to live, to be healthy, what possible argument can be made that how we choose to go about ensuring that isn’t a private matter, to be left up to us as individuals? (Note: I will now throw around several legal terms and cases in order to a) make my point and b) appear as if I know what the hell I’m talking about).

The right to privacy is a nebulous one when it comes to our Constitution, but unless you’re an idiot or that fat guinea on the Supreme Court who likes to cite Jack Bauer in his rulings, you have to affirm that it’s there. There is no “right to privacy” explicitly laid out like there is a “right to bear arms” or a “right to free speech”, but it nonetheless lives in passages like the Third Amendment, which outlaws forced quartering of soldiers in our homes, or the Fourth, which bars unreasonable searches and seizures of property, or the Fifth, which says we can’t be compelled to give incriminating statements against ourselves, or the Ninth, which makes it very clear that just because a right isn’t explicitly written down doesn’t mean you don’t have it.

Further, cases like Lawrence v. Texas confirmed a right to fuck (non-commercially) however we please, Griswold v. Connecticut says we can put whatever we want between hole and appendage while exercising said fuckage rights (aka contraception), and of course, Roe v. Wade, which firmly established the right of bitches to have their unborn children killed and vacuumed out of their bodies.

The point of all this shameless legal name checking? That there’s very much an inalienable right to privacy, and that this has been confirmed over and over specifically through cases involving how we care for our bodies. And how do you reconcile all that with a proposed law that will force people to pay privately owned and operated companies to look after their health while not even offering a publicly owned and government run system to ensure competitive, affordable pricing?

Answer: you don’t.

Fuck this health care bill in the ass.


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