The Blind Side (UPDATED)

Holy crap. Holy holy holy crap, this might just be the most unintentionally hilarious trailer ever.

I am strongly considering seeing this movie after having raised my blood alcohol level to the .20 range. It looks so insulting, so maudlin, so shamelessly white mans burden-y… wow.

My favorite part of the trailer is when Sandra Bullock’s Caring White Lady gamely ventures into the projects to give Unknown Fat Black Actor’s Shy Fat Black Kid’s tough guy bad influence friends a piece of her mind. “You threaten my son… you threaten me!”. And of course there’s that cross around her neck. Of fucking course.

I can’t. I just… again, wow.

About the only way this could be any funnier is if the next part of the movie has the Bad Crowd people dragging her down to the basement and gang raping the shit out of her in graphic detail, followed by clips of Fox News’ resident missing white woman expert/lockjawed beaver Greta Van Susteren reporting on the story as the headline at the bottom of the screen reads “Got MILF?”.

UPDATE: Some genius (perhaps the only time I have ever used that phrase in a non-sarcastic way) created a trailer for the movie using an on-air story synopsis from Mike Francesa as a voice over narration. It is sheer brilliance. Screw Morgan Freeman and that PBS guy; Mike is the new gold standard for narration.

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