Old, white baseball managers never die

They just keep on keepin’ on, and keep on fucking up.

Watching a one game playoff in progress right now between the Tigers and Twins and the sheer and complete ineptitude on display by the two knownothing managers, both lionized to no end by the knownothing sports media, would be skullbusting if it weren’t so expected and outrageous if it weren’t so standard.

Their miscues are myriad but I’ll single out of the worst one, which is probably the most consistently made fuckup in MLB today: the use of “closers”.

Twins up 4-3 in the 8th in a win or go home game. Tigers best hitters are coming up to bat. Does Twins manager Ron Gardenhire go to Joe Nathan, who is not only his best reliever, but one of the best in all of baseball? No. He goes with someone else, who admittedly has had a very good year himself. But still, why not the best option?

Because Joe Nathan is the “closer”. And the “closer” doesn’t pitch until you get to the 9th inning. It doesn’t matter if the opposing teams best bats are due up in the 8th. The “closer” must be saved for the 9th, because baseball logic dictates that there is a magical evil force field surrounding that inning that only a heroic chosen few can penetrate: the “closers”. Your closer pitches the 9th. End of story. Doesn’t matter if Ted Williams, Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds are due to bat in the 8th; the closer must be saved for the 9th.

Nathan is now pitching, by the way. In the 8th inning, with a tied up score. That’s because the other guy immediately gave up a homer to the first guy he faced. So why is Nathan only *now* in the game, after the lead has been blown, and when closers aren’t supposed to be in game in the 8th inning? Because Gardenhire panicked. And in his panic he went with his best.

The best reliever you have in the most important situation of the game. What a novel concept. If only he’d thought of it earlier, say, maybe, I don’t know, when he had a fucking lead at the start of the inning?

Major League Baseball: a war of attrition of stupidity. If your fuckups aren’t as bad as the other guys fuckups, you win.

I don’t know who will win this game, but either way, congrats to Ron Gardenhire or Jim Leyland: you fucked up less.

Though it goes without saying: you’re still a fuckup.

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