Archive for July, 2009

July 31, 2009

There is no better word to use here. This is the absolute, bar-none most completely fucking perfect example of the namesake of this blog: a stupid, ridiculous thing.

The above link is to a typical dumbfuck “conservative” site that sifts through the rest of the media while looking for gotcha moments of liberal bias, also known as not being ignorant/backwards/an all around mental failure. As you can see from reading it, this gotcha moment was all about some Dear Abby reader who wrote in requesting advice on what to do about a very, very serious problem: she just found out that her sister, who is paying her kids way through college, is a porn star.

Ho. Ly. SHIT.

“Abby”, as any non-retard would, basically told the reader to get the fuck over it and accept the sisters generosity. The toolish writer of this article then excoriated “Abby” for her “moral relativism”.

Moral relativism is one of my favorite terms, and by favorite I mean it makes my head bleed. In its colloquial usage as a pushback for being called out on “I don’t like (x) so it’s wrong” logic it’s become a cherished buzzterm for the morality police, the whining, prudish, religious minded folks who exemplify some of the worst ailments of the human condition. It’s not enough to just say they don’t like something, see. No, they also have to assert that it’s wrong, that it is an obvious and incontestable evil and anyone who disagrees is relativist with no moral grounding (and they’re probably an atheist/communist/faggot too!).

It’s symptomatic of what just might be the biggest contributor to stupidity there is, and that’s the insistence of so many people on holding so many beliefs without any real reason for doing so. Why is it wrong for someone to earn a living as a performer and entertainer by having sex? Where is the wrong here? Who is being wronged, who’s being hurt, and why should anyone be ashamed?

The answer, of course, is no where, and no one and they shouldn’t. Being a porn star isn’t one of those things that’s wrong because it directly affects others in a negative way. It’s wrong because people find it distasteful, or sinful, or whatever. It’s the laziest kind of circular logic imaginable: it’s wrong because it’s wrong and it’s wrong because it’s wrong. It’s institutionalized lunacy, and to berate someone for having the audacity to suggest that it’s okay to accept money from a porn star relative to put your kids through school is certifiably nucking futs.

When you pass moral judgment there has to be a solid, logical foundation to support whatever conclusion you come to. To put it another way, shit’s gotta make sense.

“Being a porn star is wrong” just… doesn’t.


500 Days of Summer
July 26, 2009

Go see this movie. It’s got the trifecta working: smartly written, well acted and, oddly enough for a romantic comedy, it’s great looking.


And now for something new
July 24, 2009

More racial nonsense.

I have nothing to say about what is honestly an overblown, unoriginal and thoroughly uninteresting nonevent. Either way this turns out, whether it was the police being racist or the guy being a racebaiter, it’s nothing new. It says nothing about our society that we don’t already know. It contributes nothing worthwhile to the public consciousness. It is, more than anything else, a gigantic fucking bore.

But something must be said briefly about the reactions to this bullshit. This is the worst example of peoples inescapable propensity to jump to conclusions without evidence or understanding since we found out the earth was not, in fact, flat. Within moments of this story breaking you had scores of black activists whose shouts of racism were matched in volume only by the old white guys/Fox News hosts who were loudly insisting that there are no more racists and even if there were this is the fucking police we’re talking about *shocked face*.

Guys, shut up. You’re just noise. And this story is just *yawn*.

Life’s a bitch
July 22, 2009

and then you die.

Alright, that’s it
July 20, 2009

Angry letter writing time!

Dear Mr. President –

So, the All Star Game. You threw out the first pitch. That must’ve been cool. And sitting in the broadcast booth for an inning. Also cool. And before that you sat down and recorded a special with Bob Costas. Again, cool. Definitely even cooler than being on Leno a few months ago, right? As cool as having your own brackets special on ESPN during March Madness? What about your NBC Inside the White House special? Man, you’ve done so many cool things since you were elected that it’s hard to keep track of them all! (And you’re more special than a retard!)

You really have to stop though. I mean, seriously. You’re not a celebrity. You’re not royalty. You’re a public servant. A public servant, and a bit of a high ranking one at that. Any one of these things would be innocuous enough, but put them together along with all the other examples of your self indulgence/promotion and it’s not just unprofessional, and it’s not just embarrassing; it’s damaging.

When you’re the President and you act like this you aren’t just lowering yourself, you are lowering the office. An office that is a whole lot bigger than you. You’re only passing through. And the last two guys did enough damage during their stay in the White House, whether it was that mentally handicapped Texan (there’s redundancy for you) doing his best to completely alienate the rest of the sane world, or Slick Willy needing to get his willy slick on company time. The office of POTUS has lost enough of its luster already without your damn attention-whoring.

I’m not saying the president needs to be aloof, completely detached from the outside world. Again, any one of those instances of having fun with your position, where you show everyone how “normal” you are (“Oooh, the President fills out NCAA brackets, cool!), a little harmless fun; no problem. But you’ve taken it way too far. The White House doesn’t have to be an ivory tower but it can’t be a studio apartment in SoHo either.

So please, stop being everywhere. Stop being a cam whore. Stop being the guy who’s famous for being famous. You’re the President of the United States, not Paris fucking Hilton.

Act like it.

July 9, 2009

“There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion… of the club.”

– guy in charge of a swim club in Philly that kicked out a bunch of little black kids

No truth to the rumors of another club giving a bunch of Jewish kids the boot because they felt it would “cheapen” the experience.

“presidential post-acquittal detention power”
July 8, 2009

Read this.

Greenwald’s Alice in Wonderland comp works perfectly, but what jumped to mind for me was this classic Simpsons exchange.

More and more it’s becoming apparent that our current president has thrown in the towel on any endeavor at true policy reform when it comes to contentious issues. Whether it’s his passing the baton on the institutionalized bigotry of DADT, his near silence on exploring the possibility of criminal prosecution of his criminal Oval Office predecessor, or this latest act of kowtowing to the Cheney cabal’s insistence on unchecked executive power when it comes to running a war, Obama has time and again shown a total unwillingness to take tough, direct action on issues he was all to happy to preach about during his campaign, easier stances to take when word needn’t be backed by deed.

Almost as if he never really intended to fight those battles in the first place.

He didn’t. Barack Obama has long struck me as someone perfectly content to smile for the cameras, say all the right things and champion all the easy legislation. He’s knowledegable, well-spoken and immensely skilled at playing politics, and coming in after the mental midget who had his job for the last eight years he seemed like a breath of fresh air. But when it comes to taking a divisive or unpopular stand, when it comes to telling the hard but necessary truth, when it comes to saying what needs to be said and doing what needs to be done… he just isn’t your guy.

In other words, he’s Bill Clinton. And for a lot of people that’s enough.

And that’s just really lame. Not being a giant fuckup shouldn’t be grounds for celebration.

If you have nothing new to say…
July 7, 2009

…and no interesting way to say it, shut the fuck up.

Before Michael Jackson’s body was even cold there was already no shortage of media and culture critics ready to play amateur social psychologist and point out the disorder afflicting the American public that leads to an entertainers death receiving coverage as the biggest news story of the year. Some are racists. Bill O’Reilly comes to mind. Others are just out for self-aggrandizement. Lots of stupid people come to mind. Many are both.

Regardless of the reason, congratulations, you win the prize for Best Ability to Point Out Unfuckingbelievably Obvious Shit.

People care a disproportionate amount about Jackson’s death, relative to the stuff in the world that really matters? No, really? Priority of interest for people has been out of whack forever. This isn’t yesterdays news only because it was old news yesterday.

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are inserting themselves in a situation they have no legitimate reason to be involved with? Wow, seriously? You mean they’re shameless opportunists that haven’t been pulling these kinds of stunts for decades, whoring themselves out to any cameras in sight? Holy shit!

Railing against the public infatuation with celebrity every time one of them dies doesn’t make you a noble dissenter. It doesn’t make you counterculture and chic. It isn’t speaking truth to power. It’s obvious. It’s easy. It’s tired. It’s an established fact of life to everyone with the modicum of prescience to have realized it long before you have and everyone who’s long since stopped caring and shelved it next to all the other unfortunate but largely inconsequential quirks of human behavior.

Famous people die. Fans take it hard. People are interested. Media cover it. Depending on how larger than life the life in question was, this cycle can take a while.

Get over it. And stop fucking bitching.

Definition of irony
July 6, 2009

Perennial clown Newt Gingrich, in response to criticism of his AOL-speak quality tweets:

And don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out
July 4, 2009

Look at this speech. You don’t have to read it word for word; just skip around. Note the pisspoor punctuation and grammar, the rambling, scatterbrained structure, the sub-high school reading level. This is a speech announcing the resignation from office of someone who was almost vice president of the United States, and it reads like a diary entry.

The woman can’t even do something right without doing it wrong, can’t even quit properly. It’s positively Costanzian.

So farewell (at least for now) to Sarah Palin, an incompetent narcissist, a serial liar, a willfully ignorant, proudly obtuse living embodiment of all things wrong with everything, and the worst disease to afflict the American body politic since, and the logical evolutionary outcome of, George W. Bush.