Archive for June, 2009

Sonic Sez
June 29, 2009

Joe Jackson is an honest to god terrible human being. What the hell was BET thinking, acting like this guy wasn’t the sadistic, exploitative bloodsucker everyone knew him to be?

Also, with regard to Jamie Foxx and his little “We want to celebrate this black man. He belongs to us and we shared him with everyone else.” Go fuck yourself, fucking divisive tool. (And your moonwalk really sucked.)

The moral of the story is never, ever watch BET.

Ever.

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Worst. Week. Ever.
June 28, 2009

First Michael. Now Billy.

God dammit.

Dear Sony,
June 25, 2009

Take some of that money you saved by not making the Moneyball movie and spend it on high-def remasters for the best videos of the biggest superstar in history.*

Now. They’re too good to look this bad.

Also, Smooth Criminal owns and fuck Alien Ant Farm for polluting my YouTube search results.

In all seriousness, if the death of any entertainer is worth this barrage of worldwide coverage it’s Michael Jackson, who before he went all Howard Hughes was as immensely talented and effortlessly awesome as any performer we’ll ever see.

*except Jesus, but he’s not real so he doesn’t count. Plus MJ had way better moves.

gj, America
June 25, 2009

$60 million in one day for the cinematic equivalent of an eight year old with tourette’s.

Congratulations, you’re all retarded.

Oh, so that’s all it was
June 24, 2009

He was in Argentina visiting his mistress.

On Father’s Day.

Stay classy, gov.

How does this even happen?
June 22, 2009

It sounds like something you’d see in The Onion, but this actually happened: the governor of South Carolina has, for all intents and purposes, disappeared for the last four days. Just up and vanished.

I’m honestly stupefied. In what world is it acceptable for the chief executive of a state of four and a half million people to basically drop off the face of the earth? For him to send away his security, turn off his phone and just… leave. Are you kidding me?

At least when Bush was jetting off to his ranch every other day for a vacation he had the decency to let us know where the fuck he actually was. This Sanford asshat (and really, just look at the guy), didn’t even tell his wife where he went.

Good god, the southern half of this country is one giant fuck up. In so many, many ways.

Oh, and he’s still not back. From wherever he is (updated: they’re now saying he’s somewhere on the Appalacian Trail. Which narrows it down to a two thousand mile area over fourteen states).

Maybe not the best guy to be in charge. Of, like, anything.

Thank god
June 21, 2009

The Moneyball movie has been all but scrapped.

Good thing, too. The last thing we need is a sharp, original, intelligent sports story being adapted into a film with an A-list movie star by an Oscar winning director and writer.

Hopefully the money Sony will save can be put to better use elsewhere. Maybe something with Adam Sandler. Or something where a dog proves capable of playing sports on a professional level. Or maybe both of them TOGETHER.

I just blew my fucking mind.

Random Excellent Item of the Day
June 18, 2009

Sonic Sez
June 18, 2009

There is no god.

I hate to do it
June 16, 2009

I really do, but when the lady’s on a roll who am I to get in the way. So, here again for your enjoyment, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska*:

“Of course it’s accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who joke about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve. Letterman certainly has the right to joke about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction. And this is all thanks to our U.S. military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America’s right to free speech – in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect.”

– accepting Letterman’s cop-out apology for a fairly funny joke about her baby mama daughter getting knocked up by A-Rod

I actually laughed out loud reading this. Even better than taking it upon herself to turn a joke about her daughter into a grave insult against all of young womankind is the completely out of left field shout out to ‘the troops’ at the end. What blatant opportunism. What shameless self promotion.

What a sad, farcical cuntrag.

*I find it amusing to use her full title. It’s like a joke, except not.